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Review : Transformers 3: Dark Of The Moon (2011)


Released (UK) , Rated . Runtime: minutes (0 hours, 0 minutes).


Official Synopsis:

Director: , Produced By: , Written By:

Primary Cast:

The Red Corner - Lisa

Red Corner Review, by Lisa

Added July 16th, 2011

After recently being subjected to the torture that was watching the plot hole laden Transformers 2: revenge of the fallen  for a second painful time as my preparation, I was dutifully dragged to  the cinema for the franchise’s third instalment and fodder for our first review.

Blue wont admit that he is a Transformers super-geek and the superb power of the ‘transforming noise’ is enough to put a grin on his now beardy and thirtysomething face and set him all a quiver  as if he were a mere boy of eight once more. But say you aren’t a transformer supergeek or even bog standard geek, who doesn’t ponder away your day wondering ‘what would optimus do?’  or counting the star trek references ( four apparently) what does this film have for you;-  except the noise? The truth is not much.

I admit to enjoying some of the action scenes and some of the robot on robot fight scenes, I am not oblivious to the  clumsy charms of good old fashioned beat em up’s, but after two plus hours yip, even my  patience wears thin… just like the plot. In saying that there is a decent twist that I didn’t expect  and the ‘elder betrayal’ storyline was ok.  I liked the scenes in the building though it reminded me a little of 911 scenes which I found a little uncomfortable.  A few time I found myself wanting to whoop when Good overcame the insurmountable odds, but that can happen, a side effect of popcorn consumption perhaps?

And now to sexy red Ferrari… who Blue corner kindly informs me is actually an autobot  named mirage… not that you would know because I don’t think they named him and he didn’t have many lines. And this is part of the problem, I got mixed up between goodie silver cars/bots and baddie silver car bots, and really Hasbro if you want the children to buy the toys you should really make sure the audience know their names!!! The baddies had more character development  and way better equipment and skills and numbers!! And what was that ‘Irish’ bot meant to be about? He grated on me from word go! Pointless and offensive.  Coupla laughs provided by the wee bots even though they were mostly annoying.

I also feel obliged to comment on Michael bay being a big perv… more downright gratuitous shots of Rosie Huntington-whitely… admittedly she isn’t over a motorbike in hot pants… but still the perv element remains. Yes she is hot (?) we get it… get back to the film!!!!! Light on plot and dialogue for the female characters as ever… the NSA boss lady being particularly odious and not knowing which handbag her secret files are in…oh and serving as merely a vehicle for sector seven man to grope from his wheelchair… thanks for insulting intelligent women  Michael bay. Poor Rosie as Carly was left to suggest to a snoozing relaxing Megatron ( why does he have that sack type cape? He is like a 20 foot metal robot… hardly a disguise or cosmetic remedy!) in a sexy manipulative way that he was  in fact Centinal’s bitch…. thus saving Prime’s good arm and enabling prime to rip off Megatron’s head.  Nice one Rosie!!

I really must comment on the awful moment at the start of the film where they were trying to merge real footage with the story and had a president Kennedy in a rubber mask? And then have someone who didn’t look anything like president Kennedy at all…. oh why bother!! It cheapened the film at the start, added an extra 20 minutes of my life that I cant get back… a better idea might have been a voice over with the footage and then straight into the Centinal ark for the discovery bit. Then they had the cheek to use a real picture of President Obama and then put in a completely crap non Obama look alike. I’m shaking my head even now and thinking whyyyy??? This is a multimillion dollar blockbuster summer movie…not some shoestring budget indie flick!!! They have a whole continuity department for goodness sake!!!

Thank goodness though for Centianal  Prime kindly filling us in that Cybertronian physics  was way better ,more complex and easily  whooped earth physics ass… otherwise I might have struggled with the fact that Earth’s gravity would have been altered by pulling Cybertron so close to Earth. Plus once it started moving it would have kept on moving… so….yeah that’s a problem for the sentient audience member. As is the fact that the human team didn’t make it a priority to shoot down the pillar… they just left it when the building went a bit shaky!

Patrick Dempsey is meant to be smouldering and smug but is in fact just plan pointless. The ‘ sam betrays Optimus scene’ also was flaccid and utterly lacklustre and sat awkwardly in the story. The robot ‘blood’ addition was another waste of likely a million dollars….they are sentient beings I get that… but they don’t feel pain… they are machines after all. Never mind Mr. Bay just get another shot of Rosie’s arse and we might just forget all about it.

See this if you loved transformers more than life itself as a kid!

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